All together I think that this is a great start to your paper. You support all of your claims with solid examples from your life and from the text. You connect your ideas right back to your life in very personal ways to make that connection. Do not forget to add a narrative project to the essay, find one that connects to what you are trying to say and add to to your citations. Make your intro more of an intro and try to give it a focus, it is kind of all over the place and just needs to be pulled into your thesis. I liked how you added both pictures of you and things that you have accomplished in your life, adds a nice touch.
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